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Tag Archives: gratitude

Reaching a mutual understanding

In the last few days I have begun suddenly to think that I was, instead of being too hasty, that I maybe I was reaching the point of ‘hanging on too long’ in regards to my elderly ailing beloved 15-1/2year old Sophie. I watched her yesterday – as I have been watching her closely over the past week or two. Asking her, sometimes out loud, “Is this too much, honey?” “Have you had enough?” But of course, no audible response came. And there was still detectible if subdued pleasure she experienced in my company.

So was my attention yesterday, while Sophie was occasionally moving from inside to outside, occasionally falling and being unable to pick herself up, and then she would wander a tiny portion of the yard – was she trying to decide whether the pain of crouching was worth the desire to defecate or urinate? Did she just collapse on her hind legs or did she mean to ‘take a break’ and sit a spell?

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Imagination vacation

Have you ever set out to exercise your imagination? We rarely think about it that way, do we? Exercising it. I never thought about it so much that way, but what I have recently come to stumble upon leads me to want to raise my dear Mother from the dead and holler.. “SEE, Mom! This is what WE made, this is how YOU taught me to play before anyone else thought to create it!!”   

Perhaps you won’t be surprised, even if I was, that I recently came upon a real life building that threw me into the world that my mom and I actively created and occupied as we traveled across country.

My mom was the greatest sport and greatest teacher of having fun for imagination’s sake. Realistically, my dear mother was hurt and wounded in so profound of ways, I now am awed what she could bring to me. The greatest gift she passed on was the appreciation of AWE, and the joy and truth and freedom of IMAGINATION!

Growing up there were so very many vacations that involved long road trips. When I was very young I remember being trundled off, in my pj’s, in the wee hours of the night into a sleeping bag in the station wagon. I remember sleeping (if one can remember sleeping) soundly, but I most especially remember waking up to see the incredible, vibrant stars above. I would lie there drinking in the stars. This was the time when the Milky Way became a living reality.

As I grew older and my brother moved off to life, I was vacationing with my parents alone as a burgeoning adult. When my brain started to own its creative powers, and I was in the constricted environment of the vehicle for hours, I was met by the mind of my amazingly willing, playful, joyful mother who could follow or lead me to places that to this day feed the depths of my very soul.

There were the Ivy People. Noticing the ivy growing up overpasses and covering structures, we began the story of “The Ivy People”. After all, it certainly could be no chance or coincidence that ivy was overtaking the overpasses. We had to Be Aware! It was covering the barns. Growing up the trees. No, this was an intelligence. The Ivy People were moving in… (And so the story was deliciously built between my mother and me.)

THEN, there was what we began to unravel was the crazy but obviously successful string of dilapidated structures that were built along the highway. We realized and exposed, in the cab of our vehicle, the intentional power that had set out to represent dilapidation!!! Perhaps this was to entertain the occupants of all vehicles passing by, to look forlorn, to look broken down, to capture the attention of vacationers. But certainly it was an incredibly successful AND SPREADING trend. Just look at all these practically falling down barns, so many almost collapsing down structures… We realized that this was the work of a GENIUS!!   

Of course this was our own private anti-capitalist, anti-market driven examination of the landscape.

And now… More than ten years after my mom died, I have come now upon an image and A REALITY that I have never more so deeply wanted to share with my beloved mother. The following image is of a structure that was built intentionally, as it is shown! And it won recognition…


Here is entry #10 from http://www.colorcoat-online.com/blog/index.php/2011/01/15-bizarre-buildings/9.ErranteGuestHouseChile_thumb.jpg

What an incredible external realization of our own silly private imaginative romps, when we would turn off of our critical “real world” minds in order to play and truly… To ROMP! LOOK MOM!! We were right!!!

 
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Posted by on June 26, 2011 in Inner Life

 

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So long away. Making my way home.

I am missing my involvement with my blog and the few lovely readers I once had. I miss the creative or expressive outlet in a zone with no rules or expectations. And as I begin to near the end of my graduate program, I look forward to once again dancing and playing here!

I was so happily surprised when I just followed a link to a blog from LinkedIn and ended up on a blog mentioning TimeThief!! AH! The familiar name calls me back, alighting my wish to master the technical aspects of blogging (she’s an über expert! on top of an awesome heart!). So I look forward to dabbling in the midst of my thesis, perhaps using it to fill the need for an occasional break.

More on the thesis topic later… Overcoming, living with yet above the effects of incest!

Namasté!

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2011 in transitions

 

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Happy Amazing Birthday!

Awesome_bud-lg.jpg

How can I even know that this is an amazing year ahead? How can I get so excited at the turning of a year? I can’t possibly tell you “how”. I can’t possibly describe the knowing. I only know. I feel it viscerally, I know it in my body as well as in my mind and heart… the joy is in my cells…

OR… Maybe I can tell you that there is an amazing year ahead because I will have nothing less. I now know what I was made for. I now know what is my avocation as well as my vocation. I simply will not be dallying with any other forces.

(Okay.. on that note… I do have to be careful that I do not p*-off the authority figures that I need in this journey. Authority figures that feel it is in everyone’s best interest to subdue me, to ‘knock me down to size’, who apparently need me to act insecure. I don’t want to ACT the part of the scared, needy, and ignorant trainee. But I will need to act deferential, appreciative… Dear God, May this be the worst of the politics to come!)

There is a big (big) ((big)) change coming soon. I am wavering only in the precise timing, and in my trust of myself. But … I am soon to be responsible to no one but myself. I worry about this. I am soon to be needing to stay connected to humanity by other than ‘daily routine’ and habit. I worry about this. There is so much change and growth and Change ahead!! I am sure that it is a good thing that we cannot see all that we will face in our future. We would probably be scared off. But, Oh My Gawd. I cannot tell you how excited I am, how ready I feel, how RIGHT the fit is for this next chapter.

My Encore Career.

My Calling.

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2010 in Inner Life

 

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Even when it’s good

How crazy is it that at the same time you can be realizing how blessed, lucky, fortunate, happy you are…. in that same moment or only a fraction of a second later the seemingly co-resident thoughts about how quite not perfect it is step into the light, fully grown?  How much there is still to worry about.  How much I could actually be blowing it, I just don’t know it yet. Blahdy blahddy blaaahhh

ICKK Already!!        Read the rest of this entry »

 

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Feast on your life!

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

— Derek Walcott

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A very new dear friend (aren’t those precious words to be able to say, and a precious reality to reflect on?) gave me this poem – actually read it to me as part of the gift, AND as a punctuation mark in our experience in class.
We talked about my recent past as fertilizer for the experience of this Now. Of this choice. Of this time of education.  She gave me that analogy of my immediately past relationship being ‘fertilizer’. I suspect she also got (I CERTAINLY DO) that it was fertilizer as both fuel for growth and fecal product!!

I do love this poem. It means so much to my heart… and yet I know it will mean even more over time!
I can’t yet read it too often, for each time I read it I use up half a box of tissues.

 
 

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Necessary Folk!

I admit I am still a baby blogger.  I am so new at this that I haven’t even had a first birthday .. and won’t count one until next summer… for meaningful blogging.  I am so new at this that I  did not FULLY realize the importance of my new friends that I have had the blessing of: bumping into, sharing comments with, exchanging nods of agreement and words of deep appreciation with. 
SOOOOOO… tonight I do one of my normal bops over to one of these dear new friends’ blog and…. OMG!!!  Gone!! NADA!  GONZO!  It isn’t there?  I’m in the zone of abandonment! It’s like finding out that not only has your best friend and her family left the state, but they took the house and land with them!!  arrgghhh

Okay.  Exaggerating.  Some.
And… I am quite sure that brightfeather is simply doing some re-designing.  I’m sure she will be back in fine form when she is done rearranging the furniture.  I’m sure her blog and she are just fine.  And will be Finer than ever upon re-emerging.

BUT my goodness… didn’t this just make me realize how precious these new friends are to me??  I realize that if Letters were to suddenly dump his entire blog… I might have to fly to Hamburg to find out what the heck was going on!  If MeLynn incinerated all of her blogged insights and pics of her pottery, then I might just have to go… wherever she is supposed to be to find out WTF!  If Richard disappeared… I’d have to find his sacred little path and make a nasty noise of disapproval in the midst of all that peace!!

Okay.  Maybe I wouldn’t do that.. I wouldn’t do the full-on stalker or disturber thing!!  But I would certainly be much less happy!  Much less the newly happy person I am, without these new dear friends along.  I owe a portion of my new found happiness to THEM!!  These are … folks to touch base with!  Folks who have touched my heart, and apparently have let me touch theirs..

Okay –here is Notification served:  Nobody do anything without first clearing it with me first.
Or telling me immediately afterward.
Or thinking twice.
Or… at least just sending me a “cool your jets” thought!!  😛

LOVE YOU ALL!!!
xxx terraflora ooo

 
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Posted by on November 13, 2007 in Inner Life, Mystery, Relationships

 

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