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Category Archives: Quandaries

Cat. Gone. Waiting. What to do.

He didn’t eat every morsel last night.
He slept inside without complaint until very late in the morning.
He did not ask for breakfast.
He slipped outside with the dog,
I thought it’d be brief, assumed he would venture not far… and come back in.
If he wasn’t feeling well.

And now

Dear god!
How do you look for a cat
that doesn’t want to be found.
Could he really have gotten that sick? 
OH GOD….

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Posted by on June 12, 2008 in family, Quandaries

 

Stretch goals versus limits

How do we know?
The difference between what seems (to us, to society) to be reachable if occasionally unbelievable personal goals…
..versus physically, emotionally unreachable or at least currently unmanageable goals?

Our society loves setting goals, and loves those who reach them.  So… its not surprising that it is not too easy to find general support for figuring out when you’ve reached momentarily too far… and how to gracefully forgive yourself and back down.  If that is even appropriate.

What if we really do hit our limit in reaching for a stretch goal? What if we have underestimated the requirements, overestimated our abilities, but we still sit, too terrified to say we’ve rushed in too fast because, and we don’t know how to say. Oops.  Maybe not now.   
Besides, maybe, just maybe, we are just going through a normal scared patch. (How can we know?)  Maybe, just maybe, we will be able to look back on this and say “whew… didn’t think I’d make it.. but I DID”. 
But what if the panic and the physical and the internal responses threaten to unbalance everything?  I mean … everything. 
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No Blogbligation!

Sometimes we are lucky enough to catch ourselves in the act of taking ourselves too seriously, or of making mountains of molehills.  Now there are some obligations that you DO have to live up to, especially if you want your Significant Other to hang around, or your paycheck to keep showing up. 
But where we have CHOICE… why do we bring this same oppressive sense of urgency and obligation??  It’s time to take control of a little more of our thinking and our self-treatement.  Time to CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY!! 

If you have enough damn things on your plate, if you find you are dreading your ‘overdue’ blog entry, that it has lost its sense of fun and wisdom and random community involvement… I invite you to check out both of the following:
I invite you to see if your oh-so-somber senses can survive the advice found in this past post from Letters; and
now I find a sense of hope and solidarity in this from Tiffini Elektra X.  I am grateful to her for the logo, too.  Nice work, this one does!

The credo of non-compulsory, non-obligatory blogging:

  • Because you shouldn’t have to look at your blog like it is a treadmill.
  • Because its okay to just say what you have to say. If that makes for a long post, fine. Short post, fine. Frequent post, fine. Infrequent post, fine.
  • Because its okay to not always be enthralled with the sound of your own typing.
  • Because sometimes less is more.
  • Because only blogging when you feel truly inspired keeps up the integrity of your blog.
  • Because they are probably not going to inscribe your stat, link and comment numbers on your tombstone.
  • Because for most of us blogging is just a hobby. A way to express yourself and connect with others. You should not have to apologize for lapses in posts. Just take a step back and enjoy life, not everything you do has to be “bloggable”.
  • Because if you blog without obligation you will naturally keep your blog around longer, because it won't be a chore.  Plus, just think you will be doing your part to eradicate post pollution. One post at a time. . .



SO… PWYdwFLI (Post When You damnwell Feel Like It)… maybe only when it really CALLS you.

Speaking of calling…  still playing catch up in my coursework.  (Now there’s an obligation!! :} )

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2007 in Humor, Quandaries

 

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And then, there’s Lucifer

Perhaps it is a question of light. Or, where to properly direct it. Or more precisely… where one *should* direct it, and not.

I was taken aback at my reaction to a kind and well intentioned comment recently.  The comment apparently struck a chord, and an old one at that.  This is a chord that goes back to my days as a spiritual practitioner (aka counselor) and teacher, and back to being in, and then leaving, ministerial training.  The following is, I suspect, a small part of why I walked away.

I was a long time member of one of the several churches that call themselves “New Thought” (no, not New Age… but now I’m free to say that, yes, there is certainly overlap).  This philosophy is one of recognizing and of utilizing the awareness that our thoughts do directly affect / create / influence our experience.  I’m being careful to not say (a common confusion amongst adherents as well) that our thoughts create all the events in our life.  Although I will heartily agree that a powerful attitude of attraction is created by what we think about, what we consciously or unconsciously spend our emotionally charged thoughts on, and this empowered attention/intention often brings certain experiences to us.

As much as I still love and honor the learnings and philosophy, there comes a time when limitation is found even in expansive belief systems.

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On demand

Writing, especially of late, has been a complete delight.  It has been a means to express what has been pressing on my heart to be released.  It is at times a private and sacred dance.. that then I choose to share.  It has also been a way to offer a warning, and then, too, hope.  And in all of this, it has simply flowed.

Now.  Now I have ‘papers to write’.  It is ‘a task’; it has a schedule.  I ‘have to’ do this.
The basic outline of what is being asked of me is not really daunting.  But oh.my.gosh.  I sit and stare at a blank screen!
  Me and the Rebel in me are really going to have to have a little chat!!  A meeting of the minds. (If that doesn’t work, a ‘cometojesusmeetin’!) I cannot be letting myself dig in my heels like this when faced with simply doing what needs to be done to apply for that which I say I dearly want!!

I wonder if this resistance, or at least this lack of flow, has to do with the fact that the doubts have started to surface.  I am not feeling bombarded by doubts, and they don’t seem substantial, not needing any attention.  But, …hmm, maybe this is worse…  These are the subtle niggling doubts that almost don’t catch your attention.  The little ones that ‘merely’ ask: “are you sure?”, “you’re just kidding… right?”.

Yeah… I suspect THESE are the visitors that actually need to be ‘chatted with.’  These are the ones to be listened to, paid attention to.. so that they don’t keep sabotaging in order to get any attention.

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Posted by on October 14, 2007 in Quandaries

 

Hypocrite am I?

How is it that of the current very few tv shows that I am chancing to enjoy these days, one seems to be focused around someone having the very characteristics (and more) which I’ve been recently sucker-punched by?

HOUSE, MD.  (I do LOVE Hugh Laurie… since the days of “A Bit of Frye and Laurie”.  He’s an awesome comedian, and as good an actor!)
The character of Dr. House – is a complete ass, a self-obsessed, egotistical, abusive of all others jerk.  Yet we are charmed by him.  A recent episode had Dr. Wilson trying to redeem the misunderstood House with a diagnosis of Ausberger’s Syndrome… but even he, House’s ‘best friend’, had to give up on that.  And it boils down to the fact that HOUSE is a SOCIOPATH!!

Now I know that this is acting.  But I have to assume Hugh Laurie was given the character traits and descriptions…  And Laurie has this one nailed!!!  Geez. I hate that I love the show.  hate it

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Posted by on September 30, 2007 in Quandaries, sociopath

 

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In comparison, I have no experience…

A wife, decades in bliss.
Betrayed. Left
with no good reason.

I have no comparison in experience
in my time with the same person who left that wife.
My 2 years.  Distance, traveling. Yet I thought deeply connected…
Is nothing
to almost 3 decades
of trust
connection
love
future building.

I am going through so much pain.

And it is NOTHING.

I wake up to the fact that
People, men and women, go through this in magnitudes
DAILY.
Daily there are hundreds of broken hearts newly trying to find their way to hold on.

god.

I so know nothing.

my pain is nothing
in comparison.

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2007 in Inner Life, Quandaries, Relationships