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Rock towers and Awestruck

25 Oct

Rock towers
Originally uploaded by terraflora

Okay, so I am not dumbstruck, awestruck all the time. Though.. often!

No, I am still looking at, dealing with the day to day issues of transitions. I have a job, albeit part-time, that keeps paying me. And my gosh, there is the usual fare of navigating career adjustments (shhh: don’t let my employer hear me say “career change”), but now there is this oppressive issue of health care to stare down! (Innit great to be ana Merican?)

But I have to tell you, that regardless of the reasons that others may be finding for digging in (“because of the economy”), holding back (“not the right time”), for keeping what you have, keeping the income, keeping the savings (“what horrors might happen next”)… I happen to find myself more inspired, more invigorated, more excited about this next stage of my life… So much so that NOTHING seems appropriate except to step out boldly and claim this new life!

I wish I could find a way to pull every last individual member of my cohort directly into my heart. I want them to know how much I love them, but I also so want them to know how they have become part of the fabric of my being. The beauties, the characters, the warm and gentle men, the women of depth and strength…. I cannot find the words to suffice. I love them. And they are so much a part of who I have become, who I am becoming. How do you return THAT favor?

I thank God for my time with them!

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4 Comments

Posted by on October 25, 2009 in Inner Life

 

4 responses to “Rock towers and Awestruck

  1. Diosa

    October 26, 2009 at 3:57 am

    Absolutely love it and feel the same!!!!

     
  2. terraflora

    October 26, 2009 at 5:56 am

    Thanks Di!!
    Words are so often unable to appropriately approach the feelings… but approach, we must! Love you!!

     
  3. Sandra

    November 16, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    I discovered your Fall-2007 posts and seriously, for a few minutes I was SURE the man you were writing about, was the man I started dating in Sept 07. Turns out they weren’t the same man…and yet, they were. LoveFraud has helped. I’m thinking about posting on DDHG and Womansavers. I would love to find out from you certain things: how long did you leave DDHG and WomanSaver posts up? Do you think it helped anyone? When did you start to feel better – as you obviously do now.

     
  4. terraflora

    November 16, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    Sandra – I have heard “that same man” described so many times, in so many different conversations and contexts. So, I have to understand the ‘recognition’ that you felt!

    When did I start feeling better? Well I needed and wanted to get my butt into therapy right away… I needed someone to vent to who would be on my side. And then I got stuck in a bit of revenge mentality for a few months (several months, perhaps)… It was all part of the untangling I suppose….
    But I also started grad school (via asking one dang question of my therapist) almost immediately. I mean it was only two months from break-up to “omg, I’m in school!” So I started RE-directing my attention which was a major blessing and high point of my months. Then in about 6 months, I noticed.. hey. I haven’t thought about him for a couple of days!! That was the start of feeling much better!!

    I never took those postings down. The last time I checked on the DDHG site was maybe 3-4 months ago. Who knows who or if anyone is helped. The fact that I did what I could to put up a warning bouy… I felt better in that.

    LoveFraud IS a lifesaver! It provides such a needed confirmation and re-framing of our experience. I’m glad you found your way there!

    I hope you are finding your resources for recovery! Friends, good readings, and punch a pillow or two!

    xx

     

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