How do we know?
The difference between what seems (to us, to society) to be reachable if occasionally unbelievable personal goals…
..versus physically, emotionally unreachable or at least currently unmanageable goals?
Our society loves setting goals, and loves those who reach them. So… its not surprising that it is not too easy to find general support for figuring out when you’ve reached momentarily too far… and how to gracefully forgive yourself and back down. If that is even appropriate.
What if we really do hit our limit in reaching for a stretch goal? What if we have underestimated the requirements, overestimated our abilities, but we still sit, too terrified to say we’ve rushed in too fast because, and we don’t know how to say. Oops. Maybe not now.
Besides, maybe, just maybe, we are just going through a normal scared patch. (How can we know?) Maybe, just maybe, we will be able to look back on this and say “whew… didn’t think I’d make it.. but I DID”.
But what if the panic and the physical and the internal responses threaten to unbalance everything? I mean … everything.
I cannot tell if it is “just” my comfort zone that is being decimated. At this current moment, and frequently for the past several weeks, I fear it is my ability to make any cognitive sense of each step I am taking in my life. I may be burning current bridges due to this hoped-for-future (if I can stick it out). But if I can’t currently stick it out, and need to delay a year (first of all… so the F what!?), then those bridges are NEEDED for while more!! I better damn well NOT burn my present support out from under me.
My next term starts next Friday. For the first time in my life I cannot find that inner voice, cannot find any way of knowing within myself whether I should drop out (defer for a year) NOW, or go “one more quarter and see how it goes.” (That was the deal I thought I’d struck with myself a week ago. …Unfortunately it is not fending off the panic.)
This is no place to find someone to talk to.
I feel like I am wedged between the last hope I have of pushing through to creating a meaningful life… and the Shame if I stop-out.
When we can’t find our inner voice of guidance… where do we go?