And then, there’s Lucifer

21 Oct

Perhaps it is a question of light. Or, where to properly direct it. Or more precisely… where one *should* direct it, and not.

I was taken aback at my reaction to a kind and well intentioned comment recently.  The comment apparently struck a chord, and an old one at that.  This is a chord that goes back to my days as a spiritual practitioner (aka counselor) and teacher, and back to being in, and then leaving, ministerial training.  The following is, I suspect, a small part of why I walked away.

I was a long time member of one of the several churches that call themselves “New Thought” (no, not New Age… but now I’m free to say that, yes, there is certainly overlap).  This philosophy is one of recognizing and of utilizing the awareness that our thoughts do directly affect / create / influence our experience.  I’m being careful to not say (a common confusion amongst adherents as well) that our thoughts create all the events in our life.  Although I will heartily agree that a powerful attitude of attraction is created by what we think about, what we consciously or unconsciously spend our emotionally charged thoughts on, and this empowered attention/intention often brings certain experiences to us.

As much as I still love and honor the learnings and philosophy, there comes a time when limitation is found even in expansive belief systems.

The power of our thought to create our experience is certainly the phenomenal grace that blesses our physical existence.  Learning to notice, direct, use and guide our thoughts consciously for greater good takes quite some time, assistance, watchfulness and patience. Not to mention our own self-forgiveness.  Often as we learn that “As a person thinketh, so is s/he”…. we somehow simultaneously learn the counter attack – “You obviously brought this on yourself.  What are you thinking? Your fault.”  (Whether we hear this from a “your stinkin’ thinkin'” point of view or “my stinkin’ thinkin'” point of view, the new message gets written DEEP into our psyche in such short order of learning this new philosophy, that… it seems obvious that it is an activation of the near-universal human response to find out where ‘We are bad/insufficient/unworthy/broken’.)

OKAY. So that’s the background.

NOW – the current ankle my bulldog-self has a hold of:  (Choose one) The intolerance of / the uncomfort with / the denigration of …the Shadow.  The dark side of Who I Am.  The less than glowing version of Me.

Why am I cast out when I allow so much light into the rest of Who I Am?  Why do my beloved ‘friends’ suddenly have a tone of intolerance, or of condemnation? Why do I feel shame in their presence?  Aren’t I the contrast by which you can even see the light?  Aren’t I the Mystery itself at times?  Aren’t I simply that part of Who I Am that is just beyond conscious awareness, for-now?

That I spend time letting the darkness pass through me.  That I acknowledge the darkness.  That I PAY attention to the darkness.  That I let myself get stuck in the darkness for more than an allowable amount of time.
To all this, I say only:  You cannot know the Gift that has been given me. And I can only ascribe this grace, this gift, to the fact that I have been willing to stand still. To be hit by wave after wave after wave of horror and rage and darkness that wanted to pass through me.  I not only experienced it, looked at it, noticed it, but I shared it.  I expressed it.  And to those of you that have known me for the nanosecond since this event occurred, judge carefully.

GROWTH – of our self, spirit, soul — Isn’t all about LIGHT and LOVE and GOODNESS.  Sometimes it is going to the DEPTH to plumb it, as well!!

Lucifer, I’m sure you must know, is the Light Bringer.


5 responses to “And then, there’s Lucifer

  1. Richard

    October 26, 2007 at 12:08 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. We all have shadows, a “dark side” if you will, and it is a part of us. Denial of that fact will not change it or make it go away, and in fact it is more likely to make it stronger. Denial is fear, and fear lives in the shadows. It’s only by doing the work in our dark side that we can understand and know it and bring in the light.

  2. terraflora

    October 26, 2007 at 12:28 pm

    Thanks Richard! I may have gone on a bit of a rant here, but good to know the point wasn’t lost. Yes – we are made ‘more whole’ when we are willing to go spelunking in our own dark caves and truly get into rapport with WHATEVER we find there! (Certainly not always easy, ohmygodno!)

  3. brightfeather

    October 29, 2007 at 7:28 pm

    It’s fascinating how we find what we need to find when we need to find it. Thank you for being the “messenger”.

    I’m long overdue for sitting down with my shadow self and getting in touch with what I need to feel and to know. Our last “official” caving experience was a long weekend in spring when it retreated to a sweatlodge. I find myself longing to be back in one again. To be with my heat and all that pours out of my hidden self in that special place, time and space.

  4. terraflora

    October 29, 2007 at 8:51 pm

    bf: I am humbled to think that to at least one being I have been a messenger.
    And I am, again, so grateful for the powerplace that this standing still (and open) has brought. (I have to hold my rejoicing tongue … as it would surely sound almost Pentecostal!! heh)
    May you stand still… and burn too.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: