Not QUITE over it ––
When my friend (the DFB) returned from my place last month, after he’d done his unfeeling and cruel deed, I shortly found out that he was//had already planned another trip (he who freekin’ does not venture far from familiar ground) in mid to late October.
First he told my soon-to-be-friend that he was planning on coming to see ME again, in October. She subsequently learned that it could not be ME because he finally admitted to her that I …had broken up… with him… (WHAA?? WAIT!! OOHKAY.. Now wait a friggen minute!! Let me catch my breath in even the retelling of that lie) and he was actually planning on going to see his new love-interest?/soon-to-be-girlfriend?/love?/the-one-in-his-web. What in the hell do I call her? I mean, my gosh… as of 13Oct GMT he hasn’t even MET her yet. Oh, yeah.. but then that didn’t stop US (he and I) at the same stage from professing … twu luv, desire, probable undying love or at least undeniable passion!! Okay, Whatever!!
AND at this stage… right about now the conversation goes as follows: “I can’t wait to meet you in the airport! I may not be able to contain myself and I’ll have to do you right there!”
— NOW let me bring us all Up To Date
Update: the following is full of errata; a misinterpretation based on unconscious and unacknowledged hopes. tf
Apparently the email I sent Her several weeks ago (could it already be a month or more!?) caused her to keep very close tabs on my blog. She apparently wasn’t about to contact me for any additional information; and from my friends continuing relationship with him at that time, he was certainly working overtime to convince and cajole her that I could be dismissed. I suspect that it probably helped that I wrote one and only one email directly to her. Letting her do the rest.
I found that her visits to my blog were very satisfying to my heart, just to think that she was thinking about things. (I could only extrapolate that this frequent visitor from her city had to be her.) She would check in sometimes 2 times a day. At that time of course I was writing daily (no grad school in sight at that time!) and I was truly working through fresh stuff. And, I admit, in a large way, I was writing for her. It was one of the driving motivations… If I could give her insight, if she could make an informed choice... that is what I wanted. If she followed through with having him visit (he would not be paying for a hotel, I can promise you that) then it would be with an awareness of possibilities beyond the Dream.
It is amazing, but the women he picks share many wonderful qualities. We are wonderful, deep, spiritual women who deserve to be in honest, deep, caring, expansive and growing relationships! We are too wise, gentle and loving to be ‘done‘ so!! So … I am glad to report… that from all net-observable resources DFB is living a new experience: On his own for the first time, with no current fish on the line. SHE has now stopped frequenting sites of mine. He has amped up his busy-ness quotient. No sign of a vacation in this current month. (The volume of questions he’s taking on AllExperts is THE key!)
So, I truly think he’s alone. I think that she did not BUY the story. Or at least wasn’t willing to risk her heart. If this is true, then I still just send my heartfelt compassion to her. It is sad to give up such a ‘perfect match’ as he creates for us.
AND… I now truly think he is suddenly faced with himself. He is without a ‘possible’ on the line. This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment for him. No woman that ‘luvs him’; no adoring fan; no one discovering herself because HE is so accepting. As it appears.. he is perhaps trying desperately to fill his time (by signing on to answer up to 100 (not!) questions a day on the weekends on “All Experts“. )
He has never been without a woman in the past 30 years and, truly, I suspect its been much longer. Like maybe never. The fact that a grown man has never gotten to know himself, never lived alone… well. What can you say about someone who has no one to get to know. There’s no There there.
My soul is saddened by this, in considering his current experience. But I’m quite sure that HE, the walking on the earth he, is not at all sorry. His soul… Yes, I suspect his soul is very sad. BUT…apparently he needs to go through this, this HAS to be part of his souls growth plan… and.. On that note: THIS human heart will never be fodder of that type of deception again!! I pray that the wisdom and ability to sense the truth is as deeply, truly mine as I feel that it is.
So my monitoring of these people and events is now drifting into the background. I grab hold of the tail occasionally and swing the old pain and anger about. But … I know that the “oh, what, THAT? Yeah, that happened.” phase of how I consider him is coming really really fast!! (I am NOT going to go into the teeensy weeeensy feeling of missing that anger! that furry. THAT I will save for a Paper to turn in to a professor!! 😛 )
BTW: DFB. No one has asked… and I thought I made it up. Pridefully, a Personally Invented Derogatory Acronym (PIDA). Humph