Evolution of dissolution

17 Oct

Not QUITE over it –

When my friend (the DFB) returned from my place last month, after he’d done his unfeeling and cruel deed, I shortly found out that he was//had already planned another trip (he who freekin’ does not venture far from familiar ground) in mid to late October.
First he told my soon-to-be-friend that he was planning on coming to see
ME again, in October.  She subsequently learned that it could not be ME because he finally admitted to her that I …had broken up… with him… (WHAA??  WAIT!!  OOHKAY.. Now wait a friggen minute!!  Let me catch my breath in even the retelling of that lie) and he was actually planning on going to see his new love-interest?/soon-to-be-girlfriend?/love?/the-one-in-his-web.  What in the hell do I call her?  I mean, my gosh… as of 13Oct GMT he hasn’t even MET her yet.  Oh, yeah.. but then that didn’t stop US (he and I) at the same stage from professing … twu luv, desire, probable undying love or at least undeniable passion!!  Okay, Whatever!!
AND at this stage… right about now the conversation goes as follows:  “I can’t wait to meet you in the airport! I may not be able to contain myself and I’ll have to do you right there!”

— NOW let me bring us all Up To Date

Update: the following is full of errata; a misinterpretation based on unconscious and unacknowledged hopes. tf
Apparently the email I sent Her several weeks ago (could it already be a month or more!?) caused her to keep very close tabs on my blog.  She apparently wasn’t about to contact me for any additional information; and from my friends continuing relationship with him at that time, he was certainly working overtime to convince and cajole her that I could be dismissed.  I suspect that it probably helped that I wrote one and only one email directly to her.  Letting her do the rest.

I found that her visits to my blog were very satisfying to my heart, just to think that she was thinking about things.  (I could only extrapolate that this frequent visitor from her city had to be her.)  She would check in sometimes 2 times a day.  At that time of course I was writing daily (no grad school in sight at that time!) and I was truly working through fresh stuff.  And, I admit, in a large way, I was writing for her. It was one of the driving motivations… If I could give her insight, if she could make an informed choice... that is what I wanted.  If she followed through with having him visit (he would not be paying for a hotel, I can promise you that) then it would be with an awareness of possibilities beyond the Dream.

It is amazing, but the women he picks share many wonderful qualities. We are wonderful, deep, spiritual women who deserve to be in honest, deep, caring, expansive and growing relationships!  We are too wise, gentle and loving to be ‘done‘ so!!    So … I am glad to report…  that from all net-observable resources DFB is living a new experience:  On his own for the first time, with no current fish on the line. SHE has now stopped frequenting sites of mine.  He has amped up his busy-ness quotient.  No sign of a vacation in this current month. (The volume of questions he’s taking on AllExperts is THE key!)

So, I truly think he’s alone.  I think that she did not BUY the story.  Or at least wasn’t willing to risk her heart.  If this is true, then I still just send my heartfelt compassion to her. It is sad to give up such a ‘perfect match’ as he creates for us.

AND… I now truly think he is suddenly faced with himself.  He is without a ‘possible’ on the line.  This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment for him.  No woman that ‘luvs him’; no adoring fan; no one discovering herself because HE is so accepting.  As it appears.. he is perhaps trying desperately to fill his time (by signing on to answer up to 100 (not!) questions a day on the weekends on “All Experts“. )
He has never been without a woman in the past 30 years and, truly, I suspect its been much longer.  Like maybe never. The fact that a grown man has never gotten to know himself, never lived alone… well.  What can you say about
someone who has no one to get to know.  There’s no There there.
My soul is saddened by this, in considering his current experience. But I’m quite sure that HE, the walking on the earth he, is not at all sorry. His soul… Yes, I suspect his soul is very sad. BUT…apparently he needs to go through this, this HAS to be part of his souls growth plan… and.. On that note: THIS human heart will never be fodder of that type of deception again!!  I pray that the wisdom and ability to sense the truth is as deeply, truly mine as I feel that it is.

So my monitoring of these people and events is now drifting into the background.  I grab hold of the tail occasionally and swing the old pain and anger about.  But … I know that the “oh, what, THAT? Yeah, that happened.” phase of how I consider him is coming really really fast!!  (I am NOT going to go into the teeensy weeeensy feeling of missing that anger! that furry.  THAT I will save for a Paper to turn in to a professor!!  😛 )

BTW:  DFB.  No one has asked… and I thought I made it up.  Pridefully, a Personally Invented Derogatory Acronym (PIDA).    Humph


Posted by on October 17, 2007 in recovery, Relationships


6 responses to “Evolution of dissolution

  1. Frank DeMarco

    October 19, 2007 at 5:03 am

    I know this is venturing in where angels fear to tread, but —

    Have you tried to look at the entire situation from a different perspective? What I have read here seems to come from a Victims/Villains scenario, which provides lots of drama but not much compassion or self-revealing insight.

    We all get caught in Victims/Villains, but it’s important to get out of it, too. Consider what a friend of mine once told me: “Everybody’s doing their best.” Now, granted sometimes our best is pathetic; nonetheless if you assume that others are doing their best, you look at them differently; it frees you from judgment and condemnation; frees you to move on, taking the good from the experience and learning from the bad.

    I can’t find the quote offhand, but somewhere Carl Jung says that condemnation does not liberate; it oppresses. Only compassionate understanding frees us.

    Easier to say than to do? Sure — but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

  2. terraflora

    October 19, 2007 at 5:42 am

    Frank.. Oh, yes… very brave of you!! 🙂
    Yes, of course, most all of what I have written so far about this experience has been expressing a rage and a victim/done-unto-me stance. It is also quite in its death throes, this post being probably the last or close.

    But I’ll tell you – allowing myself to just stay with what IS happening in me, being with what IS truly coarsing through my mind-heart-body… as opposed to my normal ‘run to the light!’, of “seeing only the good, knowing only the highest and best, never uttering a negative thought”… has been part of the most liberating, freeing experience.. because it has been Honest. It is why now there is a force at work in my life that seems beyond belief, that I AM celebrating and that I am ‘going with’.

    THAT SAID, and like I inferred, I am pretty much done with the aspect of this event represented in this post. I felt one last need to “wrap things up” and I used a post that I had started that still had some of that ol’ vitriol – so I included it.

    Thanks for the confirmation, though, that methinks too that Enough is Enough.

  3. terraflora

    October 19, 2007 at 5:54 am

    Another note: The “Everyone is doing their best”, “everyone is light and goodness at the core” is the very belief that makes people (mostly women) susceptible to the small (4%), but very real, percent of our population that, in this incarnation, DOES NOT have a conscience. The danger is that we, who DO have a conscience simply can NOT IMAGINE that such a state is even possible. Therefore we never question.

    I believe in my fellow beings! I love walking the earth with them. I still walk about and love the light of THAT (God, Truth, Self) which I see in every eye. But I will never again be unaware that this 4% also walks with me. I now ask just a couple more questions. I am now safer in the world today then ever before. And I am grateful for the experience.

  4. Gotta ask

    October 21, 2007 at 9:15 pm

    Terraflora, I’ve been following your posts with great interest. My heart reaches out to you in empathy and in the greatest admiration of your strength and courage.

    Everyone’s “doing their best”? I generally believe that, too. But…

    I’ve gotta ask….what does the acronym DFB stand for??

  5. terraflora

    October 22, 2007 at 12:10 pm

    Hey Gotta… Now I’m having second thoughts about sharing my little secret TLA (three letter acronym.) Lets just say its a commentary on what is being used instead of normal grey matter.
    Sorry to be coy. Other comments have me contemplating some of my words. (Although I should just reread ’20 Blogging Commandments’ (link on left) to Get Over Myself there!!)

  6. Similar journey

    October 24, 2007 at 11:23 pm

    “…On his own for the first time, with no current fish on the line.”

    Predators don’t give up on their prey that easily. He will do what he can to wine, dine, and bed his prey, and convince her – and maybe himself for a time – that his “love” is true.

    But the soul afraid to look within cannot know love.


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