Writing, especially of late, has been a complete delight. It has been a means to express what has been pressing on my heart to be released. It is at times a private and sacred dance.. that then I choose to share. It has also been a way to offer a warning, and then, too, hope. And in all of this, it has simply flowed.
Now. Now I have ‘papers to write’. It is ‘a task’; it has a schedule. I ‘have to’ do this.
The basic outline of what is being asked of me is not really daunting. But oh.my.gosh. I sit and stare at a blank screen!
Me and the Rebel in me are really going to have to have a little chat!! A meeting of the minds. (If that doesn’t work, a ‘cometojesusmeetin’!) I cannot be letting myself dig in my heels like this when faced with simply doing what needs to be done to apply for that which I say I dearly want!!
I wonder if this resistance, or at least this lack of flow, has to do with the fact that the doubts have started to surface. I am not feeling bombarded by doubts, and they don’t seem substantial, not needing any attention. But, …hmm, maybe this is worse… These are the subtle niggling doubts that almost don’t catch your attention. The little ones that ‘merely’ ask: “are you sure?”, “you’re just kidding… right?”.
Yeah… I suspect THESE are the visitors that actually need to be ‘chatted with.’ These are the ones to be listened to, paid attention to.. so that they don’t keep sabotaging in order to get any attention.