Next big steps

11 Oct

For the past 4 weeks I have been percolating on the very strong likelihood of going back to school full time.  The idea grows and warms my heart with each consideration and each response of support.  (“Of COURSE! That is so perfect.”  “This feels so right for you!”  “Truly who you are!”)

This (recuperation and healing time) is certainly not the time to be making any life-changing decisions.  After the death of a loved one is not the time to run off, sell the farm, and start a pretzel cart business!  Or cut your hair radically short.  (Thank god for my beloved stylist:  “No. Today we do not talk about anything drastic.  If you’re still interested in two weeks, then we can talk.”)  Same kind of caution applies to all of life’s big decisions. At this time.

But I am made to wonder.

I have the catalogue from the graduate institute I want to attend.  I have been lovingly enjoying the quality of the presentation, the descriptions of the programs, and most most most of all my heart dances and vibrates with their vision:  “For the sake of tending the soul of the world.”  I recognize this! It is already right.

Activities and timelines to be assessed:  I need to start assembling transcripts, letters of recommendations, a personal essay.  I want to start getting these things into the institute by January or February for Fall 2008.

So in line with ‘things to do’, I met with my financial guy today to start to look at the ways and the means.  (I love him dearly.  It matters greatly that he is deeply supportive… We do share a ministerial training sojourn in our past, so we understand this sense of purpose, calling, ‘being on a path’!)  And in the financial discussion, it looked pretty good.  Options are there (student loan, refinance the dwindling mortgage) and all while I stay fully and gainfully employed!!  SWEET!

Then I get home.
I have an email (the first I’ve received) actually from the graduate institute.

They say that they have openings for the current term for a few more students.  Ww would just be starting the term one session late, on Nov. 2nd.  Paperwork etc just needs to be into them in 3 weeks.
And I would just need to book a flight to the campus for Nov 2-4 ASAP!

I think I am calm enough to consider this rationally.  BUT… what I need to do is consider this with my heart.  Is there a reason to follow this calling now?

That this came today. My gosh, my day started off this morning with significance of the kind that lights a heart-spark.  As the day continued, I can say only that I have experienced consistent though varying degrees of numinousity*.

Ergo … the significance of the timing of this email.

This is to be slept on.

*It describes that sense of awe-inspiring wonder…


Posted by on October 11, 2007 in Inner Life, Mystery


2 responses to “Next big steps

  1. Frank DeMarco

    October 12, 2007 at 6:20 am

    Lindbergh told himself, immediately after the 1927 solo flight to Paris that made him famous at age 25, that he would not do anything for money that he would not want to do for its own sake. This simple decision seems to have kept his priorities clear for him throughout his life, at least in that one respect.

    In your case, it isn’t about money, but seems to be about, “is this guidance from the universe or is it something that feeds into an impulse I have that may or may not be wise?”

    You might ask yourself, “Disregarding the practicalities of whether I can meet the deadlines, what are the reasons why I should or shouldn’t put it off until next year? What would be the opportunity costs of attending school between now and then? Are there things I should tend to before going off to school? Or is this a sign that I can go freely?” No one on earth can help you answers that cluster of questions, of course.

  2. terraflora

    October 12, 2007 at 6:44 am

    Frank – Thank you for questions from a slightly different frame. Certainly the pros & cons/cost-benefits need to be rationally considered.
    Something about your question set caused me to ‘step into’ the felt experience of starting school now. A shot of joy. A smile. An acknowledgment that, as in my morning mediation, what I want is to simply know that I am moving forward on my path. (This morning I acknowledged that this practice of blogging here is that, too.)
    So I don’t have to change anything in order to have what I ultimately want: To be active on my path.
    And yet… Joy … is such a compass setting for me!!
    (what a lovely conundrum!)


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