Where a few weeks ago (omg, only a few weeks ago!!?) my entire system – mental, emotional, physical — was being constantly rocked by waves of intolerably deep sadness, anger, utter helplessness against insanity, now I’m being stunned
with the movement of new energy, new possibilities, new reasons to drop to my knees in gratitude!
I was told that I’m experiencing energy released from having my heart rent open and in my keeping it open. This, apparently from being willing and able to turn and face into… whatever presents to be experienced. No avoidance and actually an embracing. The attitude towards ourselves and our experience which in “Radical Acceptance” Tara Brach calls “unconditional friendliness”.
Curiously, I think of the Prayer of Jabez now, not having thought about it for a year or two, now as I witness my life. In the past I have uttered the prayer in that dull state of hope that I am still connected to All That Is. I have uttered the prayer in my recognition of that very connection and I have uttered that prayer feeling that it is one of the most honest ways to ask for a blessing. I have uttered the prayer only slightly afraid of what would happen if the prayer is answered affirmatively.
“Oh that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain.”
Now I look at my life. I feel my life. Am I standing looking from the entrance to my increased territory?
Where does this gratitude go?
AND then from the Knitting world!! A prayer shawl book brings me this
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? Isa 43:19
Oh, Yes. I perceive it. I do not yet recognize it. But I perceive it!!