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Monthly Archives: October 2007

Au revoir

Tomorrow morning, under the cover of darkness, I leave this world… for the next!  I will miss you all.  You have been kind to me.
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Posted by on October 31, 2007 in Mystery, Personal Development

 

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“It’s never wrong to gamble on love”

These words sustained me in the early, darkest moments. They sustain me still.

 
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Posted by on October 29, 2007 in Inner Life

 

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Return of the tide

Recovery.  Gosh it’s fickle.

After 5-6 weeks of the most harrowing grieving and journeying back from heartbreak, the past couple-few weeks have been ablaze with new life. My beloved and precious friends have been unexpectedly rewarded with my ‘return’ – laughing, planning, energy abounding. And I have been likewise rewarded with this same return.  God I’m so glad to be back to myself!  It has been years since I’ve been this happy to be me!  I take a moment to offer up my thanks.

In all this flush of life, as I have mentioned, I have become engaged in the process of getting into grad school …late.  So there is the application process with its papers and activities abounding, and there is the simultaneous catch-up process for the first set of classes I missed and the ones that are about to take place.  Along with that – the concomitant fear and terror that I’m jumping in beyond my capacity for discipline and order.

That said – none of this activity has felt to be any part of “running away”.

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Posted by on October 23, 2007 in Personal Development, recovery, Relationships

 

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And then, there’s Lucifer

Perhaps it is a question of light. Or, where to properly direct it. Or more precisely… where one *should* direct it, and not.

I was taken aback at my reaction to a kind and well intentioned comment recently.  The comment apparently struck a chord, and an old one at that.  This is a chord that goes back to my days as a spiritual practitioner (aka counselor) and teacher, and back to being in, and then leaving, ministerial training.  The following is, I suspect, a small part of why I walked away.

I was a long time member of one of the several churches that call themselves “New Thought” (no, not New Age… but now I’m free to say that, yes, there is certainly overlap).  This philosophy is one of recognizing and of utilizing the awareness that our thoughts do directly affect / create / influence our experience.  I’m being careful to not say (a common confusion amongst adherents as well) that our thoughts create all the events in our life.  Although I will heartily agree that a powerful attitude of attraction is created by what we think about, what we consciously or unconsciously spend our emotionally charged thoughts on, and this empowered attention/intention often brings certain experiences to us.

As much as I still love and honor the learnings and philosophy, there comes a time when limitation is found even in expansive belief systems.

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Desiderata for a new age

THANKS to LettersHometoyou for this awesome piece of upgraded spiritual schmaltz!!    …For bloggers only…    for bloggers born before 1962 only…      for bloggers born before 1962 who really lived in the 60’s only (if you remember the 60’s… you didn’t really LIVE in the 60’s)…

You

MUST

read this!!

 
 

Evolution of dissolution

Not QUITE over it –

When my friend (the DFB) returned from my place last month, after he’d done his unfeeling and cruel deed, I shortly found out that he was//had already planned another trip (he who freekin’ does not venture far from familiar ground) in mid to late October.
First he told my soon-to-be-friend that he was planning on coming to see
ME again, in October.  She subsequently learned that it could not be ME because he finally admitted to her that I …had broken up… with him… (WHAA??  WAIT!!  OOHKAY.. Now wait a friggen minute!!  Let me catch my breath in even the retelling of that lie) and he was actually planning on going to see his new love-interest?/soon-to-be-girlfriend?/love?/the-one-in-his-web.  What in the hell do I call her?  I mean, my gosh… as of 13Oct GMT he hasn’t even MET her yet.  Oh, yeah.. but then that didn’t stop US (he and I) at the same stage from professing … twu luv, desire, probable undying love or at least undeniable passion!!  Okay, Whatever!!
AND at this stage… right about now the conversation goes as follows:  “I can’t wait to meet you in the airport! I may not be able to contain myself and I’ll have to do you right there!”

— NOW let me bring us all Up To Date

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Posted by on October 17, 2007 in recovery, Relationships

 

On demand

Writing, especially of late, has been a complete delight.  It has been a means to express what has been pressing on my heart to be released.  It is at times a private and sacred dance.. that then I choose to share.  It has also been a way to offer a warning, and then, too, hope.  And in all of this, it has simply flowed.

Now.  Now I have ‘papers to write’.  It is ‘a task’; it has a schedule.  I ‘have to’ do this.
The basic outline of what is being asked of me is not really daunting.  But oh.my.gosh.  I sit and stare at a blank screen!
  Me and the Rebel in me are really going to have to have a little chat!!  A meeting of the minds. (If that doesn’t work, a ‘cometojesusmeetin’!) I cannot be letting myself dig in my heels like this when faced with simply doing what needs to be done to apply for that which I say I dearly want!!

I wonder if this resistance, or at least this lack of flow, has to do with the fact that the doubts have started to surface.  I am not feeling bombarded by doubts, and they don’t seem substantial, not needing any attention.  But, …hmm, maybe this is worse…  These are the subtle niggling doubts that almost don’t catch your attention.  The little ones that ‘merely’ ask: “are you sure?”, “you’re just kidding… right?”.

Yeah… I suspect THESE are the visitors that actually need to be ‘chatted with.’  These are the ones to be listened to, paid attention to.. so that they don’t keep sabotaging in order to get any attention.

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Posted by on October 14, 2007 in Quandaries