Monthly Archives: June 2007

How can you know (1)

No other person can surely know what another person truly thinks, feels.
I need to tell you…

You don’t know
At least I believe you can’t know
how can you know…

You need to know
How much your words mean
to my heart.

Some would agree that “It’s only work.”
It’s only a job.
But then I find those times when even I have to disagree
For here, now brings me the gift
Of you.
my communion. My connection. My community.
And you make my soul sing.

How can that be “just a job”???

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Posted by on June 27, 2007 in Quandaries


The First Sock

If there isn’t a curse of the First Sock (like the Boyfriend Sweater curse), maybe there should be. Or maybe it’s just more lessons in Zen and Knitting.
Last week I got help from my weekly knitting group regarding when to start my toe. I thought I had to knit for about 2 more inches, but the general consensus was ‘no, it’s not too early. Try it on and see..’. Sure enough, it was time to start the last 1 3/4″ of tow.
After having mastered the pattern and the 5 short sticks, I was thrilled to change-up! Getting right into the decreases, and knitting confidently and proudly in one of my few ‘okay-to-knit meetings’.

I have to admit to not being a super speedy knitter, and I still consider myself as a ‘low intermediate’ knitter. After truly enjoying the process of knitting toward finishing my first sock, and had been quite diligent, moving swiftly along. Which is why I was slightly devastated when I suddenly realized I had been making a small mistake, but… for a while! I had been decreasing too much for too long (I had neglected the “every OTHER round, Knit”). This means I was aggressively decreasing. I would have to cut off the last knuckle of all my toes to wear these socks if I kept going!
What does this mean? It means I have to fix this. There is no just going forward. I have one certain and horrrrribly tedious process available (okay.. never mind that!) Or… I can.. RIP IT OUT !!

Here is where my “LOW intermediate” comes in. I trepidate.

Part of the joy, art, and LESSONS in knitting is being able to accept that fixing is just another skill to be mastered through practice!
As it is, ripping out still causes me to lose at least a night of knitting. I have to stare the object down, to see if this really IS my only choice. I have to be brought to submission.

The subject sock sits on the couch, as if the center of attention, if not exactly in a place of honor.
I pace. I consider my options. I know what the answer has to be.
Now the contemplation turns to how to mitigate any horror of dropped stitches, lost stitches (where would they go??), or indiscernible starting places. All the unknowns of the semi-initiated!

So for now… the offending sock (the sock I soooo very much want to knit more on) sits on my couch waiting for me to steel myself and … RIP!

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Posted by on June 20, 2007 in Someday: A hobby


What a difference a day (or ….a soul) makes…

… suddenly… we are fortunate enough to find ourselves engulfed in good souls. Good hearts. Good intellects!! From the quagmire and despondency of the previous weeks, this, I must point out, is a blessing. A Blessing. A Spark that Cleaves to our soul!

((Okay. so the crap that has been happening… the atmosphere, the hopelessness, and the mandates.. I admit my complicity of not being able to propose a better approach. Or confront authority. What is it? Primarily the first.))

We now have tangible progress under our belts as well as in our sights. We know what we are doing and where we are going, and for once… it feels feasible!

And I have to give great thanks for the experience of the last few days. Minds are released and unstrung. Hearts beat joyfully. Laughter is created. And enjoyed. By all.

What makes the difference? Vision. Deep belief. Connections. A joyful heart.
My heart soars. I honor you L.S.
I thank you for the blessing you are to my heart.
Regardless anything else.
You bless.
My heart.


Ignorance on your part does not equal…

…a freak-out panic, I-have-to-make-your-hallucination-true emergency on mine!Corporations.Managers.Wholey Chrap! Their brains work positively differently than ‘normal people’!! Especially those managers who are ‘bonus level’/director/avp. Those who are probably gonna get a nice bonus if we meet the project deadline that THEY set. (The people doing the work did estimates, but that turned out to be “just nice, thanks honey” news to them. Their deadline won. And it smacks of calendar-goal-bonus related!) Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on June 15, 2007 in corporate life, groupthink, Quandaries


Relations and pics

New family connections!
I recently came across an easy build-your-family-tree site. My mother had expressed a wish to be able to do some genealogy work long ago, long before the ease of the internet. As a way of feeling connected to her and doing a good family-deed (something Very Unlike me, btw!) and beginning to construct the tree “for the family”. Mom’d be proud!

So of course something like this isn’t nearly all that much fun all alone, so as soon as I had the basic of the immediate family I eagerly forwarded an invite to my dad and my brother & sister-in-law. Goody! Now we’ll start getting all of our eyes on this, have something to share, be able to fine-tune it and.. pass along a gift to the next generation! (I’m so damn proud of myself for finding a way of ‘connecting’ with my brother!!)

Then… my sister-in-law voiced a little concern about her new professional need for privacy and that the family-tree website information could be found by her future clients. As soon as she expressed the slightest concern, I researched the site’s privacy policy, wrote to the site’s founder and reported immediately back. I confirmed that only those individual’s who have received an invitation (email) could gain informational access. Coming from a technology background, I was so damn happy to use my tech-semi-saviness to do the due diligence for her!

The assurances turned out to be insufficient. A request to remove her and my brother’s birthdates came. Sadly, I tried to assure, while also removing the data. I hoped the assurance (and the invitation to try to ‘google’ the info to test the security) would allow her to relax and soon, very soon, join in the fun of building family data and sharing a purpose! YAY!! My family! Together! Yesssss!


Now came the next request. I now needed to remove the girls’ identifying information and all the names. I also needed to start calling her by a fully formal name (Like, e.g., no longer “Vicky”, now it was “Victoria”). (Okay, those things were only connected by timing and the same email, but it all hit me really badly!) Now it was time for me to go to work!

After cleaning off the account on the website I’d invited her to, I simply recreated the data under a new account. I informed “Victoria” of this. Then I smugly waited for her to ever write back to me.

All right. Smug isn’t all that satisfying
…when all your doing is waiting. That’s when I decided that I still wanted to make Mom proud. I decided I might as well get kinda serious about this. Maybe I’d have more fun that way, too!

Since then I really have found a more advance genealogy site ( that is fun and pretty easy to use. I reloaded all the info I had – immediate family. I then was able to do researching of historical source data on the site and confirmed a bit more information. It was going to be a dabble here, and a dabble there. Until this morning!

This morning I dug through a box of old pictures I have from my gramma. I came across her sister’s full maiden name in a book. I entered that in the family tree.. and Holy Crap… Suddenly I have a link to FIVE generations of family on the Swedish, mom’s mom’s side!! Now I am really enjoying this search! I just have to be careful not to get too rabid!! Sleeping is still good! 🙂

Oh… And in all this.. I just learned to use my scanner. Now I can store & save all the old family photos, too!

(I sure wish I’d taken better notes when Gramma was telling me who was who!)  THIS is my great gramma!!

My Great! Gramma
I wish someone would teach me why some pics show up small and others resist shrinking!

Ya put your right foot in…

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Posted by on June 9, 2007 in family, Quandaries