Comments on: Big lesson, learned?

By: brightfeather

brightfeather — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 18:39:45 +0000

Without going into details I can relate. The first “man” I ever was with was a psychopath. He’s still in prison today and will remain there with the other criminally insane until he passes on.

I’m glad you recognize that we are our own healers. You are beautiful and you are whole. Don’t doubt that or you will not be able to trust and remain open to love and life.

The work you are doing is painful but it’s also liberating. Stay the course and get to know your “self” better. Know also that you are valued and loved.

Namaste

By: terraflora

terraflora — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 04:26:51 +0000

@ian… I really don’t think I am blaming myself for getting caught in the sociopath’s web. All I did was step near his lair… and like you said, he was innately, unconsciously able to read what he needed to read in me in order to snare me.
What I want to do is either be able to change the content (eliminate/mitigate my previous self-negation) that he was able to use to hook me. This I admit is a huge [maybe too huge?] job.
OR at least I want to be able to KNOW those parts of me SO WELL… so that NO ONE else can hope to pull the wool over my eyes when I’m being “stroked” in just that way that *used to* hook me.

To tell the truth, I don’t know for sure what I will or can do. I guess I am fishing for my power.
For the self-knowledge that will let me be
safe
again
in the world.

By: ian in hamburg

ian in hamburg — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 12:47:11 +0000

I can relate. I often asked myself why I didn’t take steps to protect myself sooner, to prevent getting sucked in to the sociopath’s orbit. But self-blame is self-destructive. You have to remember that they are innately skilled at zoning in on what buttons to push with each individual. It wasn’t that you had anything to do with it, so don’t take it personally.

By: terraflora

terraflora — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 15:14:42 +0000

Thank you so much DrSteve… I do feel as though this experience, especially from betrayal to the current moment, has been, hmm, personally-epic in nature. I am at a loss for words to describe the significance I know this is having on the sculpture of my soul.
And yes… old tapes have revisited me with the “all your fault” message. But in this case, those tapes are garbled and are simply being acknowledged as false! I do NOT take responsibility for the (soul-less, conscience-less) actions of the perpetrator. I do however take ownership of MY experience, and how I ‘allowed’ it, or was vulnerable to it… As I’ve written.. because I want to stay open to love, to life, and so I want very much to be able to trust myself to keep myself safe in the world!
THANKS so much for visiting!!

By: Dr.Steve

Dr.Steve — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 06:12:41 +0000

terraflora – You are engaged in something profound. You have been with a psychopath and managed to come out the other side. For most people that would be enough. Or they would try to understand psychopathy better. You’re going a step further to ask what your role in it was. Wow. Now, if you can be very honest with yourself AND not fall into taking all the responsibility/blame, you’ll have done briliantly!. I’m reminded of the way the psychotherapist Irving Yalom puts this kind of issue to patients: “If 95% of what you’re telling me belongs to your partner, let’s try to understand your 5% better.”